Ok...it's probably going to sound like one...but I really don't want this to be a pity piece. So if you get part way through this and think 'Aw...bless' or 'For Gods sake stop moaning', please don't continue reading, I'll write something funny next time...probably about falling over again...ok?
Ok. So, most of you know I've got a bad back, right? Some of you know I have problems with my wrists...you've seen the splints. You've seen the tubigrip when I sprained my ankle...a few times! Some of you have seen me struggle to open doors, or get change out of my purse, or get out of a chair. Many of you may be aware that I'm often a bit distracted, a bit...not with it! And some of you have been unfortunate enough to see me cry. It doesn't happen regularly, so you unfortunate few know who you are!
I was told when I was about 14 that I had 'Lax Ligaments'...yeah meant nothing to me either...except that I could do some great party tricks with my joints...some of you even have photos! Turns out what it actually means is I have a deficiency in the collagen in my body, which means my ligaments over-stretch...and therefore sprain very easily. I've seen loads of Doctors, Consultants in Orthopedics and Rheumatology, Physiotherapists, you name it, they've done it to me. I've been manipulated, injected and discharged more times than I can actually remember (and that's nothing to do with my age). The general consensus is 'Joint Hypermobility Syndrome'. Wicked...I've got a 'syndrome', beats an '..ology'. It has meant that pregnancy gave me two wonderful children and irreparable damage to my back, several years of shaking my head to rock music have caused damage to my neck, well meaning physiotherapists trying to re-seat my cartilage caused damage to my cruciate ligament, I recently sprained my shoulder by sleeping on it, my hands and feet hurt...most of the time.....so the high heels I love are saved for 'special occasions', I wake 2 or 3 times every night because my neck or back has spasmed (which it does to protect my joints) and I need to change positions, so I'm usually a bit tired, my hip pops out at the most inopportune moments (you know EXACTLY what I mean) and it also means I also have periods of absolute exhaustion. I don't mean like a bit weary, I mean like I can't physically do ANYTHING. My family are great at letting me have a half hour to re-charge...its something they've got used to. I currently take 19 pills a day to keep me moving (8 Tramadol, 8 Paracetamol, 3 Arthrotec in case you were wondering, alongside Morphine and Diazepam at the minute as I'm having a bad spell) which is doing GOD KNOWS WHAT to my liver (and believe me it suffered enough during the 80's!) Turns out it's also a genetic disorder, my niece has it and we're embarking on a voyage of diagnosis together, but we also wonder how far down the gene pool its going to travel. There are also times when I feel a little...I won't say depressed 'cos I'm trying to stay away from the Prozac...lets say low...and leave it at that!
So, those of you who don't know me that well, or didn't read my last blog post, will probably imagine me being pretty inactive...and it probably would be better for me if I did do slightly less, but it's really hard to admit that I've got a problem here, and I'm damned if I'm going to lie down and admit defeat! People at work tell me not to climb or lift things, but I do it anyway. People at home tell me not to carry the hoover, or pick up the kids....but I do it anyway. Why do I go skiing...interesting question. I tell myself to slow down, because it's only me who's going to suffer if I bake with my daughter instead of sitting down, but what do I do? What would you do? This probably isn't going to kill me, but I don't know what I'm going to be like in the future. I know it's getting worse. The older I get the more things hurt, and the more determined I am to enjoy what I can do. Like I said at the beginning, this isn't meant to be a pity piece, but most of you who read this are my friends, and a lot of of you don't know my 'dirty little secret', but please, next time you see me in splints, or limping because my back hurts, or looking a bit tired or vacant, please don't ask me what I've done 'this time', or tell me off for 'overdoing it'. Yes I'm in pain most of the time (blah blah blah!), but the worst part of having this is not wanting anyone to feel sorry for you. This is my life journey, and I've got lots of great travelling companions, just sometimes I might need someone to carry my suitcase!
xxx
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